We are going to have a beauty-pageant-style announcement for the new tariffs, mostly on our ally countries, on the “liberation” day, April 2nd. That’s pretty much all Mr. President understands; a competition in a TV show, be it the Beauty Pageant which he owned for a while, or the Apprentice show, in which he actually played too. And what matters is only the ratings of that TV show. That’s all, about everything, economy, domestic policy, science, technology, foreign policy, even the justice system; he brought in a second judge when he wanted to announce Neil Gorsuch as his nominee for the Supreme Court, just to create TV show-style suspense, or all he cared about after a disastrous announcement about Covid was that the ratings of its TV coverage was going to be great.

So, there will be envelopes with country names and tariff numbers in them, there is probably going to be some suspense music and drum rolls, and someone, who knows, maybe the President himself, will open the envelopes:

And the winner is …

VLADIMIR PUTIN.